


even the man on the moon couldn't tell me where to land

by damnmechanics (emmamanic)



Series: Song fics [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe- Canon Divergent, Angst, Character Death, F/M, Time Passing, ghost - Freeform, i dunno it's kinda supernaturally but not really, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-04 00:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2902703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmamanic/pseuds/damnmechanics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i watch the world from the side of the moon, looking at the stars, looking back to you</p><p>songfic challenge- man on the moon, phillip phillips</p><p>requested by marmaladeweremakingout (tumblr)</p>
            </blockquote>





	even the man on the moon couldn't tell me where to land

Raven can still hear him talking to her, sometimes.

She’ll wake up in the middle of the night, heart pounding, and she can hear him on the edges of her consciousness- may we meet again. always, we will always be family, you’re my family, raven - as she grabs her chest and scratches, hard. The pain helps.

Because now Finn is dead and gone and so is she.

The sun still shines every morning and falls every night. She still gasps, shallow breaths that are half-hearted, and she still walks. She looks at the stars more, though. She looks at the stars because that has to be where he landed.

Her throat will always be raw with the screams she let out the moment she knew he was gone, this boy she owed everything, this boy she loved.

"Raven, I’m sorry."

Raven can’t hear the first words Clarke says to her once she’s back into the camp. She’s crying, they’re both crying, and Bellamy is still holding her back from pushing through that damn fence, screw electricity, it won’t hurt as bad as this does, and her arms hurt from holding herself up and she doesn’t know who to blame and she doesn’t know who to hate, she doesn’t know who’s fault this is (maybe it’s hers, she thinks, a wandering fear that she knows can’t be true but has to be) so she closes herself off instead.

Numbness is good, numbness is safe, and numbness is not waking up in the middle of the night in a sweat-soaked bed with his voice in her ears. Him not being there isn’t acceptable, so she dreams him back.

-

_Come on, Raven, I love you, don’t you know that?" He’s in a soft blue t-shirt on their bed._

_"Of course you do, I’m awesome." She says, teeth flashing as she winks and he groans._

_"I was trying to be romantic." He says, flopping onto the bed with a sense of resolution._

_"Oh, you were. I’m swooning." She laughs, falling onto him and laughing, laughing, as she feels his mouth move upwards._

_They settle there for a moment and he knows she’s looking at the stars._

_"What’s on your mind?"_

_"The stars." She says, her voice reverent._

_"Head-in-the-clouds." He says, teasing._

_"Hey!" She says, sitting up and pushing an accusing finger into his chest, but she’s not really mad and so she just keeps looking out of the window, almost forgetting the boy in bed._

_"As long as you always come back to me." Finn says, tilting her head down, and she grins._

-

"Raven." The voice is gruffer than the rosy memories and she pulls herself back, head pumping, off of her cot. It’s Bellamy- she must have been screaming again.

"Yeah." Her voice is rough with sleep and unshed tears.

"You alright?" But he doesn’t know what to say, he never knows what to say.

"No," she says, standing. "But I have to be." And he nods and drops the flap to her tent, almost absolutely to tell Clarke how not-okay she is, but Raven’s past caring.

So she stands and gets up. So she pulls her head out of the clouds and comes back down, so she has to.

So she lives in memories, so she stumbles, so she ignores the help her friends try to give her. So she survives.

Raven is strong, a fighter, and she fights this every day.

She steps out of the tent into the blinding sunlight and realizes that it’s been two weeks, now. Not long enough.

She walks to the mechanic’s bay, and ignores Wick’s jabs. She doesn’t have the heart to return fire, but the fire has not died in her eyes. An hour passes, she fiddles with parts, two hours, she fixes something broken, and by and by the day has passed and shadows are dancing along the walls.

So Raven pulls herself out of the room and gets a drink, walking away from the clatter, chugging it and dropping the cup the second it’s empty. It's become her routine. Raven sees the others looking at her, sees their pity, and it makes it all the worse. She sits, not at a table but at the edge of her world, and she looks at the stars. When she looks at the stars, she can feel him, she can think.

"Raven."

Oh, God, now she’s really going crazy, because she swears she can hear his voice, out loud. Raven pulls herself up and looks around, but she’s alone, she’s completely alone, and now her head sounds like static, so she looks back up.

"Raven."

The voice is louder, now, and she furrows her brow. Raven stands, pulling up her bum leg as she cranes her neck, up as if she’s trying to get a better signal, because that is him.

"I miss you." She calls out, to no one in particular. Her voice is clearer than her head.

"I miss you, too," Finn says it back, so loudly she swears she’s going to burst. There’s still no one around, so it has to be him, and she doesn’t know what to think. "I love you."

"Always," She says to the stars, to the moon, her heart skipping a beat. "You're my family."

"Always."

His voice is softer now, and she’s afraid the magic of the moment is leaving, and she’s desperate

"I can’t do this!" Raven’s in pain, because him leaving once was bad enough, but twice will absolutely destroy her.

"You’re strong, you will," Finn almost sounds angry with her for believing anything else and she smiles in spite of herself. "Don’t let your life waste away."

"You’re my life." She calls out, bitter, lonely.

"No, I’m not, Raven. You’re alive- now live." Finn’s voice really is leaving, she can tell, she knows.

"Don’t leave me." She doesn’t know what she expects to happen but she has to try.

"I love you."

And then he’s gone.

And Raven picks up her cup and walks away. And she lives.

She doesn’t hear his voice until years later, years and years, when she can feel the life dripping out of her, slow and syrupy.

"Come on, Raven, fight."

It’s been so long that she almost cries out, but she doesn’t.

"What for?" She realizes the words are coming from her mouth but she doesn’t know why.

"For me, Raven. Live for me."

It's not a half-bad idea, so she does. Raven pulls life out of none and comes back. Clarke’s in awe, yelling - “She’s alive!” - and Raven smiles in spite of herself. It hurts like hell but she does it, because she’s strong, and she has her man on the moon in her head.

Finn comes back only a few times in her life, never staying long. Telling her to live, to breathe, to enjoy things. He tells her to not feel guilty when she starts to love someone else, and not to be ashamed. He helps her stay alive but she doesn’t tell anyone.

She doesn’t actually see Finn until long, long after that. This time, the life leaving her is quick and she doesn’t want to stop it. This time, the voice in her head is smiling, and the words are different, too.

"Raven, you can let go."

It’s blissful quiet for a moment and she sees him, the boy, hand outstretched, and she’s young again, she forgot what it felt like to be young again. She’s not hurt anymore, she’s okay, everything is okay.

"Take my hand." Finn says, and he smiles, and so does she. She wants to more than anything.

So Raven takes the hand of her man on the moon and lets him pull her up to the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Send me/comment songs & pairings, leave a kudos, or just enjoy!


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